ISI trained monkey caught in New Delhi.

December 20, 2007.

New Delhi: The New Delhi Police has released pictures of a monkey which it claims has been trained by the Pakistani intelligence agency, the ISI, to undertake missions which are difficult for human agents. New Delhi Police Chief, H.K. Gandphatrai congratulated the police on this occasion. According to police sources, the monkey Raju (name changed for security reasons) was trained for two years in a specialized training centre in the Pakistani city of Gujjar Khan before being sent accross the Line of Control.

In the last couple of years, a number of monkeys started to break into various offices of the Indian Government. Last year, a gang of monkeys were responsible for stealing classified files from the office of the Prime Minister. Earlier this year, the Deputy Mayor of Delhi was killed by a gang of monkeys. Police authorities said that they had thought the attacks were due to their Lord Hanuman being unhappy with them, but the arrest of Raju has given a whole new dimension to the cases. Authorities believe that Raju the monkey will provide them with critical leads to arrest the other members of his monkey gang.

However, the police is facing difficulties in communicating with Raju, since he only understands Pashto and Siraiki.

-WTF

here is the picture :
Click to view attachment

rofl

lol Indian god(monkey) helpig ISI lol

We should send the SSG in to get our man I mean primate out!

LOL...

interesting...veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery interesting..........

Oh Man !!!! LOLZ.

New Delhi Police Chief, H.K. Gandphatrai congratulated the police on this occasion

H.K. What!!!!! I only realized when I read twice. LOLZ!!!!!!

OMFG! They have totally lost it!

LOl...

hheheeh
GANG of monkeys!!!

ive heard it first time!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007: In a follow-up to Con Chapman's article on India seeking US help in routing out monkeys that have occupied government buildings, comes word of a new Indo-US deal.

As America plans a troop pull-out from Iraq, its human soldiers will be replaced by 'natural ally' India's contribution of menacing simian troops.

A spokesman for India's Ministry of External Affairs said:

"Throughout Indian mythology, monkeys have proven themselves to be stalwart warriors. Ancient Hindu records tell of the brave monkey brigade helping Lord Rama rescue his captive wife Sita from the demon-king Ravana. In that battle monkeys built the shoal bridge that connects India to Sri Lanka. They were such excellent engineers that the bridge is standing, even to this day.

"In fact, just between you and me and the gatepost, our monkeys have been patrolling the Line of Control between Pakistan and India for the past 10 months and there has been no militant infiltration during that period of time.

"Besides, monkey troops are cheap. You don't have to pay them wages, provide medical help or even feed them. They eat what they kill."

The spokesman added that "all our Indian monkeys can solve above-average algebraic equations; handle minute equipment; write simple computer programs; fix software problems and are "absolutely fearless in battle. In a crunch they can even rustle up a mouth-watering butter chicken meal from scratch."

He also revealed that the Indian Army has just completed - Operation Macaca - a training plan in quick tactical warfare involving langur and macaque troops.

"If you think Planet of the Apes was awesome, wait till you see our 'boys' in battle!!" he concluded with a huge grin.

The First Macaca regiment of 100 monkeys is set to leave for Iraq next week. Extremely disciplined; experienced in guerilla tactics, the simian soldiers will serve as suicide-bombers infiltrating insurgent hide-outs as well as manning small weapons and burying IEDs in enemy territory.

Prez George Bush couldn't contain his pleasure at the successful deal. White House spokesperson Dana Perino glowed as she told reporters, "Not since the mangoes for nukes deal with India has our country come out on top. This is only the final step to winning the War on Terror".

SN

lol

Hey Skull Buster,

Are you from Gujar Khan....?

damn this is just too funny
They hjave totally lost it.

"gang of monkeys" are G unit gangsters according to Indians .

These Indians are incredibly stupid and funny sometimes lol.

This is nothing.
I'm guessing you haven't heard of the news where the Indian SC has summoned Ram and Hanuman to testify in a case, where apparently they were the only 2 witnesses??

I've posted the news on General http://pakistanidefenceforum.com//index.php?showtopic=71878

That's not the hillarious part.
What I found ammusing is that the 2 idols, who stood for justice, are not going to testify!!

I dont understand why everyone is taking it lightly.Why is everyone laughing?This is a serious matter. RAW is probably recruiting and training rats and mosquitoes to send into Pakistan to infiltrate our govt. depts.Our intelligence agencies should be very vigilant.If they see a nervous mosquito flying around a highly sensitive govt office than it could be a bhindian spy.

Im so fcking LOLLLLL!!!!!

This is nothing.
I'm guessing you haven't heard of the news where the Indian SC has summoned Ram and Hanuman to testify in a case, where apparently they were the only 2 witnesses??

I've posted the news on General http://pakistanidefenceforum.com//index.php?showtopic=71878

That's not the hillarious part.
What I found ammusing is that the 2 idols, who stood for justice, are not going to testify!!

In another myth breaking story the Archaeological Survey of India (ASI) under the ministry of culture has after study come to the conclusion that Ram did not exist.

http://andhracafe.com/index.php?m=show&id=26963

Lord Ram did not exist: government
Updated: 09-13-2007 Email this Page

New Delhi, Sep 12 (IANS) Defending its plan to build a shipping canal that its opponents say would destroy a 'bridge' held sacred in Hindu legend, the government has told the Supreme Court that epics were not historical records that could prove the existence of Lord Ram.

'The Valmiki Ramayana, the Ramcharitmanas by Tulsidas and other mythological texts, which admittedly form an ancient part of Indian literature, cannot be said to be historical records to incontrovertibly prove the existence of the characters or the occurrence of the events depicted therein,' the government told the apex court Monday.

This statement was made in an affidavit filed by the culture ministry in response to a bunch of petitions opposing the execution of the Sethusamudram Shipping Canal Project (SSCP).

The Rs.24 billion project aims to provide a shorter navigational sea route around India's southern peninsula by dredging the peak of what is believed to be the Ram Sethu, also geographically known as Adam's Bridge.

According to the epics, the bridge was built by Lord Hanuman's monkey army to enable Lord Ram, revered by Hindus, to cross over to Lanka (now Sri Lanka) to Rescue his wife Sita from the clutches of demon king Ravana.

In the affidavit, the government added that it was 'aware of, and duly respects, the deep religious import bestowed upon these texts (the Ramayana and the Ramcharitmanas) by the Hindu community across the globe.'

The affidavit was filed by C. Dorjee, monuments director of the Archaeological Survey of India (ASI) under the ministry of culture.

The government's affidavit came in response to the apex court's query asking it to clarify if the Adam's Bridge, between India's Rameswaram island and Talaimannar in Sri Lanka, regarded as the Ram Sethu, could be declared a protected monument.

The affidavit said: 'The formation known as Ram Sethu or Adam's Bridge is not a man-made structure but rather a natural formation made up of sand bars, which are possessed of their particular shape and form due to several millennia of wave action and sedimentation.'

The apex court on Aug 31 had restrained the government from causing any damage to the mythological Ram Sethu in the process of constructing the navigational sea route.

A bench of Justices B.N. Agarwal and P.P. Naolekar had allowed the government to continue dredging the peak of Ram Sethu in the narrow sea between Rameswaram in India and Talaimannar in Sri Lanka, but without causing any damage to it.

The apex court is set to take up the hearing of the matter Friday.

It had restrained the government from damaging the Ram Sethu on a petition by former union minister Subramanian Swamy, who had approached the court apprehending that plans may be afoot to blow apart the bridge that Hindus consider holy to pave way for the proposed canal.

Meanwhile, the Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) organised road blockades across the country Wednesday to protest the canal project.

Sunday, January 13, 2008: The on-going Indo-Australia slanging matches which have outshone the scheduled test matches took me back to my kindergarten days: 'Miss, Miss, he called me a monkey - All lies, Miss he called me a donkey and jackass..' The grand old lady - now long gone - threatened to knock the heads of the alleged monkey and donkey together and the matter ended there.

My concern, however is not so much this retrogression into juvenile invective by these world famous heroes, adored by millions if not billions but whether our Colombo intellectuals who see every thing through the prism of racism, ethnicity etc., have infiltrated the hallowed International Cricket Council (ICC) where the staid members in striped ties and bristling moustaches would not tolerate 'pinkos' of any variety or radical types in their midst.

Most probably that would not have happened. But how on earth would the ICC come to the conclusion that Andrew Symonds, that fearsome Aussie cricketer allegedly being called a 'monkey' was a racist remark?

Are monkeys a race?

If Harbhajan Singh the Indian cricketer called an Aussie counterpart a kangaroo, or a New Zealander, a Kiwi, would they have been considered racist slurs? They wear the emblems of these animals on their blazers, caps and ties. Indians love to be called Indian Tigers and Britishers inflate their chests when described as British Lions. How come only the term 'monkey' becomes racist?

As an aside, we are tempted to mention that Sri Lankans too have been victims of their national emblem - the lion. If they call themselves 'lions,' there will be an instant furore by some Sri Lankan NGO types: Damn racists they will say.

Indians:

Harbhajan Singh did not call himself and fellow Indian players, monkeys. He is alleged to have done so in reference to Symonds. But if the Indians are called monkeys there should be no objections at all. Hanuman the 'Monkey God' is revered by the great majority of Hindus who comprise over 70 per cent of all Indians. Harbhajan is not a Hindu but a Sikh but he simply would not have meant it as an insult to anyone if he called a person a monkey.

Monkeys are the most intelligent and lovable of all animals. In India they are well protected. In a recent report it was said that these lovable creatures were causing havoc in New Delhi but no action was being taken by the authorities because a certain degree of sanctity is attached to them.

Right now a multi billion-dollar Indian project is being stalled because of this monkey business. Readers are aware of plans by the Indian Navy and merchant vessels to have the Palk Strait which lies between Sri Lanka and India dredged to enable ships to sail from both sides of the Indian sub-continent without having to sail round Sri Lanka and thus save at least a day or two of sailing time.

Hanuman:

But the project threatens to destroy a part of the bridge called the Sethusamudram Adam's Bridge (as the British called it) linking the sub-continent to the island. The Indian epic the Ramayana has it that this bridge was built by Hanuman, the Monkey King, to assist Rama the much revered Hindu deity (Seventh Avatar of Vishnu) to bring his army over to Lanka and rescue his wife Sita who had been captured by the demon king of Lanka Ravana and held in the plains at Nuwara Eliya which is still called Sita Eliya.

Hanuman is also a god in the Hindu pantheon. So the protesting Hindus have stalled the dredging of the Palk Strait to save Hanuman's bridge. Such is the regard for Hanuman and his tribe in the sub-continent and Harbhajan may be called to task if it is correct that he called those rude Aussies monkeys. The monkey's too will have their own reservations.

TSLO

some of my countrymen are just pathetic as that.

The monkey was carrying a Pakistani ID card and Passport. The monkey came to India as a tourist to watch the recent cricket series. The monkey speak fluent english & french................ISI trained Monkey is far more educated than indian PM.

Sorry but you forgot something--the monkey has complete mastery of Hindi! The monkey even conspired to write the indian PM's speech to UN. The monkey also successfully seduced Amrita Rao!!

The Monkey also is reported to have success with Sonia Gandhi, The political leadership is deeply concerned at the potential of the next Gandhi to be a child of a spy.

Sorry I am deleteing my post, I might offend some people and I don't intend to do that.

The latest news is that the monkey escaped and then successfully cloned himself by using advance genetic techniques--now there are over 100 of these monkies on the loose. One of them approached Amrita Rao. Another one was seen inside of the bedroom of Sonia Gandhi. Another monkey is now reported to be working as a special advisor to the indian PM!!

Any more news on this?

yea the monkey turned against its masters.

lol....

in the latest news. The Monkey has been declared the reincarnation of Hanuman and all members of parliament have lined up to take ASNAN in the sacred pee at the last news by our reporter in Delhi people are running toward the parliament building with PET bottles in their hands.

The latest news is that the cloned monkeys have successfully multiplied into 1000's and formed an army called ISI Monkey-nised Special Forces!

The government buildings are now being overrun by these cloned monkeys. Monkeys have also decided to bite, rob and spit on government officials. They have ransacked offices, brought down power lines and kidnapped the visitors.

The original trained ISI monkey has bitten the Indian Supreme court Chief Justice on the arse and therefore the indian Supreme Court has stepped in and called on the indian nation to wage a war with the monkies till the country is monkey-free.

The monkeys have responded by getting drunk and attacking the military!

Indian Army Raises its own Monkey Platoon to counter ISI trained monkeys!

Picture released by Indian Army showing one of their special soldier from IA's Monkey Platoon on patrol along with his commander/instructor.



the Monkey Platoon of the Indian Army is being raised to counter ISI's highly skilled monkeys which are causing havoc in india. the following is the picture of one of them

According to latest reports ISI monkey is now a well know Surgeon. This monkey surgeon will operate on the indian PM's testicles. The monkey will also operate on India's military chief to remove his last remaining testicle.

Horde of wild monkeys kill Delhi deputy mayor, set up monkey government

Vengeance, both swift and brutal: monkey-terrorists strike again, leave message: Do not ###### with da monkeys!
The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

SS Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on Saturday morning trying to fight off the monkeys.
Monkey-related deaths are on the rise as swarms of deadly monkey fall like furry stones upon the heads of unsuspecting humans. The time of monkey-judgment is at hand! Pray to the monkey-god Hanuman for mercy or you just might slip on a banana-peel carefully placed by his secret monkey assassins!

You may think monkey-murder is a laughing matter, but you won't be laughing when twenty rhesus monkeys attack you out of the blue, rape your women and throw feces at your friends.

Given the chance, these monkeys will surely destroy us all. That's why we need tough anti-monkey legislation. Contact your congresscritter today and screech into the phone until he gets the message.

No doubt the monkeys are forming a government-in-exile as we speak, plotting a bloody return to power. Monkey-terrorists are drawing up plans for more sneak attacks designed to liberate their brothers in the jails we call zoos while militant monkey marauders have plans to attack peanut supply-lines and drop coconuts on peoples' heads.

There are rumors of a Monkey Caliph hiding in the jungles, biding his time until more human governments are overthrown. My sources risked their lives to bring me this information. Monkey-spies lurk everywhere, waiting to fling poo at those who speak against them. Our young are inculcated with coded pro-monkey messages while monkey mullahs openly recruit new converts to their militant monkey madrasahs.

There can be no doubt. This is all-out war -- a great struggle between civilizations and it's time to choose sides. You're either with us or you're with the monkeys.

According to reports ISI Trained monkey is now running for the Indian PM post and is favourite to win cause the monkey has full support of Sonia Ghandi and Amrita Roa--women who the Monkey seduced during his secret operations!!

You guys are unbelievable, now you saw for yourself what ISI is capable of producing?

They even screwed Monkey to produce sub human…. Science and ISI team is amazing, and all this to take India by balls? God bless you all.

Bad boy ISI, naughty ISI!!!
Oh my god, you produced India's Prime Minister.
Now, who was the mother?

Bad, Bad, Bad!

ISI trained monkey has won the elections and has promised to introduce a bill in the house calling for "the immediate inclusion of Hindus in the category of Monkeys". The monkey calls it the Great Ape Project.

i wan't that job, some guys have all the luck

One of the cloned monkeys also known as "Tom" has reportedly started jamming radio signals from the indian military. Tom has also been making prank calls and abusing India's Military Chief and his wife!! He has also been calling homes and asking girls out for dates!!

All these monkey stories remind me of that one monkey story posted here by XanXicar (aka retarted-monkey)

New Delhi, Sunday, February 17, 2008: Do animals commit suicide? That can be the subject of an interesting evolutionary and zoological debate but for Indian Army soldiers in the UN peacekeeping mission in war-torn Sudan, it’s a problem.

They have been asked to cure a bunch of what they call “suicidal donkeys” apparently fed up of being overworked and underfed.

Doctors posted at the Indian Veterinary hospital in the city of Malakal in Southern Sudan are now figuring out ways to treat local donkeys that have even “taken to jumping into the Nile” to escape cruel masters.

Reports coming in from the UN Mission say that donkeys in Malakal, that saw a fierce battle between Sudanese government forces and the Sudan People’s Liberation Army in 2006, are being severely mistreated by their owners, leading to their casualties.

Two cases of donkeys “taking their own lives” have been cited in a UN report filed by the Indian Army recently. In the first incident, according to the report, an overworked donkey preferred to be beaten to death by his master rather than pulling a heavily loaded cart through the market.

In the other case, a donkey jumped in to the Nile river, along with its load of a water barrel. “A donkey, who had decided to end his miserable and wretched life, ran towards the Nile. As he approached the banks, he plunged into the river and moved towards the current and the strong current of the mighty river swept it to a watery grave,” says the report, written by Major Shambhu Saran Singh, posted at the UN mission. “He (the donkey) was still tethered to the water cart he was pulling when he decided to go and drown.”

Indian Army veterinary officers posted in the town since 2006 to assist the local population whose economy primarily depends on livestock breeding, are advising owners to be less harsh on the animals. The formula worked out by doctors to drive away the “suicidal tendencies” is a week’s rest and a good diet of grain.

“These donkeys have a very rudimentary harness and as a result they invariably have painful galls on the withers and chest. The carts are generally driven by young boys who continuously beat them with a whip made of plastic water pipes to goad them forward. After severe beating, hematoma develops and then they will bring the donkey to us for treatment,” writes Major Singh.

Close to 3,000 Indian troops are currently posed in southern Sudan. They form part of a 10,000-strong force of soldiers and police that was sent into the country in 2005 by the UN department of peacekeeping.

IE

ISI trained monkey "Tom" in an interview said that he is not a gay--in fact he is very hetrosexual, and therefore would like to date single Indian chics. He said that he is much better in bed than the indian guys who he called "Retards".

Picture of ISI trained Monkey ridiculing Indian Military!!!

How can they live up with such stories in these times !